Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
