We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
