She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
