I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
