i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
