I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
