I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
