Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
