dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
do herpes really smell.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
