they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
