you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
