he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
