At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
