Having a random hookup so left but love u
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
