HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
