i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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