why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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