sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
