Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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