Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
