Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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