I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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