okay pat passed out under dana's car
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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