Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
