I puked a lego.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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