the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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