Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have fence marks all over my body
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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