I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think i have two assholes
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
