woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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