you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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