Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
