The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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