This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
