Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I believe in your delicious
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
