I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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