Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
