you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
