We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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