I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
