thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
