she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
