What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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