I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Found the puke drawer
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drunk is not a location!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
