i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
