We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
