Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
