but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
