# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
