The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
