That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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