there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
