Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Bang-toberfest begins!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
