You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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