Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i think im in europe. pls send help
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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